Hesitation
by Aellepi
Summary: Doumeki men are not known for hesitating when needed. Still, they are only human too... My take on the stupid egg. Supposed to be canon, has very mild DouHane. Also, someone dies.


So, something else from me...

This is my take on that egg that Yuuko gave to Doumeki. Hope you like it. This is supposed to be canon (or as canon as I can make anything), meaning there will be no pairings (apart from the very mild DouHane). I hope that will not deter anyone from reading this.

**Warning:** As stated above, this fic contains some **DouHane**. There's also a character who dies (and, no, it isn't bloody or gory, it's very... just read it, okay?). It also has three scenes from the manga, which I have rewritten _at least_ five times, just so it will have a feel of being written by me.

Oh, this will also, most likely, be very, _very_ confusing. I thought writing it like this would be interesting, and it is. It's just confusing sometimes. I did try to do my best...

**Disclaimer:** I do not own xxxHolic.

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><p><strong>HESITATION<strong>

Whatever the other one thought or said of him, he was not an impolite person by nature. The other one was just too much fun to rile up for him to give that impression to the other one.

So, first of all, he drank the sake.

And even then he waited that the sound of the other one and the black one had dissipated before he asked, ¨So, why am I here?¨

The woman was sitting in front of him, facing the yard. Without looking at him, she held out her hand. ¨I just wanted to give you this. It's the payment for helping Watanuki with drawing the water from that well.¨

¨An egg.¨ The object on her hand was a beautiful white egg, oval and quite large. He took it from her and stared at it. ¨What does it do?¨ Remembering the egg that the other one had said that that bird had hatched from, he shook it, trying to listen if he could hear something from inside. ¨Will something be born from this one too?¨

The woman shook her head, looking amused by his actions. ¨No, nothing will be born from this egg. Even though it was able to withstand acid rain strong enough to destroy entire buildings¨, she added as an afterthought.

He stared at the egg for a while longer. ¨Then what do I do with it?¨

The woman shrugged. ¨Nothing. Just keep it with you. It might become useful in the future.¨

Now he stared at her. ¨Is it all right if I just carry it around?¨ He wondered if it would break easily. His life wasn't that easy when the other one seemed to get in trouble in an almost daily basis. And he needed to always get him out of that trouble, no matter how hard it might be.

She gave him a wan little smile. ¨That might be for the best.¨ She turned her gaze to the yard again, a sad expression unlike her on her face. ¨It is for the sake of what will happen from here on out.¨

He raised his eyebrows in unspoken question. When she ignored him, he let out a little sigh, ¨All right.¨ This sounded like something important. Everything that the woman said that had got anything to do with the other one was, beyond doubt, important.

Now she was looking at him again. ¨So, please, if that moment ever comes... Do not hesitate.¨ Her red eyes were surprisingly demanding, asking him to listen and understand.

But he didn't understand. Still, he nodded.

Content with the answer, the woman lost her seriousness and grinned at him childishly. She emptied her half-full glass in one swallow. She leant back and called loudly to the other one to hurry with the sake and snacks.

In silence he looked at the egg again.

When it sounded like the other one was returning, he quickly and quietly pocketed it.

.-.-.

He knew there was nothing he could do to make the pain go away for the other one and the two girls. When one lost someone as close as the woman had been to those three, the pain remained and only time and they themselves could heal it. He should know. It had been like that to him when his grandfather died.

So, he let them be, closing the _shoji_ door behind him, trying to give them as much privacy to grieve as possible. Even with the door closed he could still hear the sound of their crying.

He joined the black one on the porch.

¨Did you see it?¨

He nodded, ¨Hn.¨ His hand unconsciously ghosted over his right eye. ¨That was definitely _not_ dream.¨ Seeing the woman suspended like that, in darkness by darkness, had been shocking to say the least. He even thought he had seen her lips move in a, to him, silent 'I wish' at some point.

The black one stayed silent, most likely grieving its friend and creator as well.

Slowly he dug in his pocket and brought out the egg. Its weight and shape had become familiar to him in the months he had carried it. Sometimes he could delude himself into thinking that it was comforting, despite the fact that the woman had given it to him without the other ones knowledge. That usually meant that they were in trouble already or they would be. Either way, it did not look good.

¨What do I have to do with this thing anyway? Or did the time I could use it go past already?¨

¨No.¨

He looked at the black one a bit surprised that it would know. ¨Then...?¨

¨Watanuki has decided to wait here for Yuuko. Soon, he must do another choice. Depending on that choice, you have to use the egg.¨

He turned his eyes away from the black one, back to the empty yard. ¨So, when he chooses, that is the time?¨

The black one shook his head. ¨The time to use the egg is up to you to choose.¨

¨...What?¨ But didn't the black one just say that it was the other one who was supposed to make the choice?

It sighed. ¨Now only those with power can remember Yuuko. Out of those there are some that Yuuko deemed a good influence to Watanuki: Kohane-chan and Obaa-chan, Himawari-chan and Tanpopo, and you, of course... And out of them, it is _only_ you who can say when 'that time' is.¨ The black one faced him, its expression sad and worried. ¨You, Doumeki, who can see what Watanuki sees. That's why Yuuko gave _you_ that egg. You and no one else.¨

His hand had tightened around the egg while the black one spoke. Now he forced his hand to relax, fearing that he might inadvertently break it. ¨Do you know how I should use it? And why?¨

The black one nodded. ¨Yes, but only a little. Yuuko told me something and the rest you would have to figure out by yourself.¨ It stayed silent, gathering its thoughts to explain to him as best it could what it knew. ¨You remember what Watanuki did to help hatch Tanpopo from that other egg? You must do the same.¨

¨I need to sleep with it?¨

Another nod from the black one. ¨Yes. Apparently now that it had been close to you, it is... familiar with you. If you were to sleep holding it, it would help your conscious mind to cross over to the dreamworld. There you must find Watanuki.¨

He frowned when it didn't continue the explanation. ¨But _why_?¨

The black one glanced at the egg in his hand. ¨That egg absorbs memories. Yuuko said it has a unique existence as it used to be a part of a whole, before it split into two. Because of that, it will automatically help you, not only to find Watanuki in the dreamworld, but also to absorb his memories of someone who has an existence as unique as it is.¨

His heart seemed to have stopped working, his breath sounding too loud in his ears now that the other one and the two girls had stopped crying. ¨You mean...?¨

¨Yuuko's time was stopped by accident years ago. She could not die until certain circumstances were met. And because of that her existence could be, and is, regarded as exceptional.¨

He shook his head. ¨You know what will happen to him¨, he jerked his head toward the door of the room with the woman's divan, ¨if he were to _forget_ her.¨

The black one nodded vehemently. ¨Yes, but Yuuko... She said that whether this is done is entirely up to you. And that you would only have one chance to use it.¨

He could feel the heavy weight of decision settle on his shoulders. He closed his eyes. ¨She left it to me... for this purpose?¨ He did not understand how the woman, she who knew the other one so well, could think that forgetting her might be the best thing for the other one.

But... She had never been wrong before, had she? Sure, she was human and humans made mistakes, but... If she really thought that was necessary-

He drew a sharp breath as his vision split in two, seeing through its other half. Unconsciously, he cupped that eye with his free hand, staring at whatever the other one was looking at. He stood up shakily, fear and worry mixing inside of him, making him almost dizzy.

He ran.

He stopped at the store room's doors, slamming them open violently. He found the other one standing in the middle of the room, the woman's kimono in his right hand and his until-now-absent glasses in his left.

The only sound that could be heard in the silence was his breathing, heavy from his sprint.

¨Doumeki...¨

He watched in apprehension as the other one put on his glasses and draped the kimono over his thin shoulders with an unintended flourish. ¨I've made a decision.¨

The other one turned to look at him in the face. ¨Yuuko-san told me my wish of not seeing spirits would be granted, but I don't want that anymore...¨

He blinked in surprise. But that would be like a dream come true for the other one... So, why...?

¨I will not remove that power. With it I can grant people their wishes and protect the shop as well. I'll be keeping it for a long, long time, you see.¨ Now he turned his eyes away again, as if he did not want him to see what was in his mismatched eyes. ¨Until I meet Yuuko-san again.¨

He had a _very_ bad feeling about all this. He closed his eyes for a second or two, trying to remain calm. ¨You'll take care of the shop while going to school?¨

The other one started guiltily. ¨No.¨ He bit his lip.

His eyes widened a fraction in shock, training on the other one. He scowled, his mouth opening to tell speak.

¨No, it's not like that! It's because I cannot anymore...¨

He had been right. This was bad. ¨...What?¨ Very, very, _very_ bad.

The other one looked at him again, his eyes bright. ¨Yuuko-san said that if you wish for something strongly enough, it will come true. So, that is the prize to my new wish. As I have decided to wait here forever, to wait for Yuuko-san, the prize is the 'time' that _I_ have.¨

¨...What?¨ It seemed like that was the only thing he could say, the magnitude of the words the other one was saying flooring him where he stood.

¨I cannot leave the shop anymore. I will not grow old anymore.¨

The anger came out of nowhere. Or maybe it came from the same place that that last anger had come from when he had found out that the other one had sacrificed an eye for him. ¨You mean you won't die?¨

It could be said that the other one must have really been out of it if he didn't even react to his harsh tone, only looking infinitely sad at his words. ¨There is nothing that will not die eventually. ¨He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his middle. ¨No matter how much we wish for otherwise, people... die...¨ Now he turned to look at him again. ¨There is no doubt that at some point in time, I will die as well.¨

The other ones face became resolute, his chin lifting high with the choice made. ¨But until then, I will be waiting for Yuuko-san for a very, very long time.¨

With that, the other one passed him, not deigning him with another look, another word. And he did not try to stop him, he did not even dare breathe too loudly, lest he lose the little control he had on his anger and do something to the other one that he might regret tomorrow. Like hitting him. Although maybe that would be best, maybe it would pull the other one out of this madness.

But now the other one had disappeared from the store room, down the hallway. Too late...

He closed his eyes and gently cradled the egg in his hand. ¨_This_... is his choice, then?¨ He really did not know whether he was desperate or disgusted by the choice. All he did know was that the other one was still too grief stricken... It would be no good... ¨If there really is only one chance to use it... I can't use it on him _now_, can I?¨

For a second he tightened his hold on the egg as if to crush it, but instead he shoved it violently inside his school uniform pocket.

.-.-.

He was lying down in the bed, his hands resting on top of the covers.

She was sitting at the edge of the bed, holding his other hand. Her beautiful face was sad, yet peaceful. A peacefulness that he shared. ¨You have done well, Shizuka-kun. Better than most.¨ She smiled at him, holding out her right hand and caressing his cheek.

¨Not enough¨, he answered her.

Her hand kept its caressing. ¨You couldn't have done more than that, Shizuka-kun.¨

¨Hn.¨ He frowned slightly. But he is sure that he could have, that there really would have been other things he could have done. Too late now...

She let out a little chuckle.

Next to her was standing a teenager, his golden eyes holding a heart-wrenching look of grief. He had his hand on her shoulder, thinking it would comfort her, when in truth it was not she who needed the comfort, but the teen himself. He scowled faintly at the back of her head and squeezed her shoulder. ¨Mother, I hardly think this is the time to laugh.¨

She looked up at him and gave him a calming smile. She took her hand from his cheek and reached up, until she was cupping the teens left cheek, rubbing her thumb over the small black spot on it. ¨It's all right¨, she reassured him as she lowered her hand again.

He looked at the teen with as critical an eye as he could. Looking like the both of them, the teen was still unsettlingly... ¨...Too much like the idiot¨, he mumbled.

¨Yes, he has been influenced by Kimihiro-kun quite much, hasn't he? And you can only blame yourself for that, Shizuka-kun. You always took him to see him.¨ He watched as she admonished him gently, teasingly, her green eyes laughing at him. He squeezed her hand, acknowledging the truth in her words. But what else could he do? That was the reason the both of them had made their choices all those years ago...

He turned his eyes to the teen again. ¨...You have it?¨ He had given the egg to the teen a few months earlier, when it became known that he would die soon.

The teen scowled at him too, but nodded and tapped his pocket lightly, indicating that he, indeed, had it. ¨You should stop worrying so much, Father. Everything is fine. Everything will be fine even when you...¨ A guilty look crossed the teens face.

He nodded feebly, ¨Good¨, his strength gone even from this small exertion. How pathetic...

She gave him a small look that, thankfully, the teen would not be able to understand for a long time to come. ¨Sleep, Shizuka-kun.¨

He closed his eyes, knowing that as he did that, he would never wake up again.

He felt death come closer and closer, crowding into the room, to take him. He was not afraid of death. As someone who had been brought up in a Buddhist temple and who had had to deal with death from an early age, he felt that there was nothing special about his passing away.

But really, to go down from cancer! At least it was not an accident of some sort. Or maybe that would have been better, for him to go down in full strength...

The teen had at first been angry with the both of them for not going to the other one and wishing to heal him. And there was no doubt that the other one would surely be able to do it. But using his words... 'There is nothing that will not die eventually.'

And at least this way... He will not have to worry and look after the other one anymore, as selfish as that thought was.

Death was now so close to him, clouding his senses, making it hard for him to feel his own body. Making thinking the only thing he could do anymore.

Memories flitted across his mind. Memories of his grandfather, of school, of the unlucky girl, of that woman, of the one the other one had been before he took over the shop. Memories of the medium girl, of the disappearance, of the injuries, of the years after. Memories of visits to the shop, of his wife, of his son.

Then one came back, insistently, of that woman. The conversation they had had when she had invited him over for the first time.

'_So, please, if that moment ever comes... Do not hesitate._'

He had done it, hadn't he? He was not sure if he had really made a decision thinking only of the other one's wellbeing or if he had hesitated. That thought, now that it invaded his mind, was disturbing.

Making another decision to help the other one for the last time, a last effort, he opened his eyes again. She was still watching him, her expression holding no laughter anymore. She seemed to know that something was up, her sight and intuition as sharp as ever.

¨Hesitation...¨, he murmured. Damn... He couldn't speak louder.

Thankfully, she leant forward to hear him better.

¨He must not hesitate...¨ He turned his eyes, his vision fuzzy with death, toward the teen standing behind her. He did not know if she understood him.

He died.

.-.-.

¨So, that dream was Yuuko-san's?¨

The other one nodded, inhaling on his pipe. ¨Yes. I think that that dream had been dreamt a long, long time ago... In that time I have, apparently, become strong enough. I don't need to confine myself to the shop anymore.¨ He chuckled low in his throat. ¨And I never even realized...¨

The man sitting beside the other one on the porch stayed silent. He did not want to interrupt the other ones musings.

The other one pointed his pipe at the man and moved it up and down in thought. ¨Isn't there that dream that resembles this situation? What was its name again...?¨ He frowned, biting his lip lightly in irritation.

¨Yume Juuya?¨ The man offered quietly.

¨Yes, exactly!¨ The other one smiled. ¨The one they waited a hundred years in. But it has been a lot longer for me though...¨ He glanced at the silent, impassive man beside him with sly eyes. ¨You really do look like that great-grandfather of yours.¨

An annoyed look came to the man's face. ¨Do I really resemble him that much?¨ He got enough of that back at home from his grandparents to last _any_ lifetime...

The other one laughed. ¨It would be easier to say how you _don't_ resemble him! But then, he looked like _his_ grandfather, so maybe you just have that kind of family...¨

Now it was the man's turn to glance at the other one. ¨Still... Were you glad you saw that dream?¨

The other one closed his eyes and sighed. He tilted his head a little to the side. ¨Yes... Though that won't change a thing. I will still remain here to wait for Yuuko-san.¨

The man blinked in surprise. ¨Why? Wasn't that...?¨

The look the man received from the other one because of that question was gentle. ¨It _was_ Yuuko-san's dream, make no mistake. But that was just that. A dream. I was not the real Yuuko-san and I doubt I will ever see the real her again...¨

Silence descended on the two as they reflected on what had been comprehended that night.

¨You wouldn't want to forget her though, would you?¨ The man already knew the answer to his question. He could see and hear it every time the other one spoke of the woman.

¨No.¨

This time the silence remained for longer, stretching for who knew how long. There were no unsaid words there to tease either of the two.

The other one turned to his companion, drawing his legs close to himself from the coldness of the night air. He gave the man a small smile. ¨Shall we drink, then?¨

¨Sure.¨ The man shifted and stood up from his cross-legged position, stretching his long legs. He turned to go inside.

¨Whiskey on the rocks for me.¨

¨Got it¨, the man called over his shoulder to the other one.

When he was alone, the man fumbled inside his yukata, drawing the egg from its folds. ¨It would still be too painful to him, huh?¨ The egg didn't answer him, resting on his palm like always. ¨To forget Yuuko-san...¨ He sighed, closed his hand over the egg again and slipped it back where he had taken it from.

He went inside to get the drinks.

.-.-.

_Do not hesitate... Even if that time comes..._

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><p>Aaand that is that! Did you like it? :)<p>

Now, I just want to make it absolutely _clear_, 'cause I don't think I made it clear last time... but, **REVIEW PEOPLE!**** Be kind to me and review!**** Pretty please!** There is no one at home who reads my fics (and that is how I like it, _thankyouverymuch_), so people actually telling me how I did would be greatly appreciated.

Now that I've got that sorted out...

As you can see, I think Doumeki did **wrong!** in not using the egg. Watanuki most likely would not have become (or maybe he would have...?) the new shop-owner, if he had. That great-grandchild did wrong as well. I would never have thought Doumeki to be the kind of person to do such a thing, but the great-grandchild can actually be understood. _He wasn't there when it happened!_ Doumeki Shizuka has disappointed me... :(

For those who didn't get who was who... _always He_: Doumeki, _The woman_: Yuuko, _The black one_: Mokona Larg, _The other one_: Watanuki, _always She_: Kohane, _The teen_: guess who he is... OC, DouHane offspring, _The man_: He's DouHane great-grandchild

Again, **REVIEW PEOPLE!** _Thank_ you.


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